Inspiration & Beauty

the thoughts that keep you afloat in a world of drowning perceptions.

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“In 1990, Peter Howe at Life magazine sent me to North Carolina to photograph a special school for children with problems. The school was a very strange place because all of the twenty or so children were in the same classroom and their problems ranged from mild behavior instability to severe schizophrenia. Nine-year-old Amanda was the most interesting child in the class. She was my favorite child. Amanda was very intelligent and very naughty. One day I followed her home on the school bus. When the bus stopped at her house, she dashed ahead of me and ran into a nearby wooded area. I continued to follow her into the woods and eventually found her sitting in an old stuffed chair having a cigarette. She thought that I would reprimand her since I was an adult. But I said nothing.The following Sunday, I spent the day at home with Amanda and her mother. Amanda totally controlled her mother. She constantly gave her orders and proceeded to put on her mother’s nail polish and makeup. Amanda smoked openly in front of her. Her 8-year-old cousin Amy was coming over, and she was very excited. All day long, Amanda and her cousin played like children. Every forty-five minutes or so, Amanda would take a break to have a cigarette. Her mother could say nothing; Amanda was the boss.Just before I left, I looked for Amanda to say good-bye. I found her and Amy in the backyard. They were in a children’s inflatable pool. Amanda was taking her regular cigarette break.”

“In 1990, Peter Howe at Life magazine sent me to North Carolina to photograph a special school for children with problems. The school was a very strange place because all of the twenty or so children were in the same classroom and their problems ranged from mild behavior instability to severe schizophrenia.

Nine-year-old Amanda was the most interesting child in the class. She was my favorite child. Amanda was very intelligent and very naughty. One day I followed her home on the school bus. When the bus stopped at her house, she dashed ahead of me and ran into a nearby wooded area. I continued to follow her into the woods and eventually found her sitting in an old stuffed chair having a cigarette. She thought that I would reprimand her since I was an adult. But I said nothing.The following Sunday, I spent the day at home with Amanda and her mother. Amanda totally controlled her mother. She constantly gave her orders and proceeded to put on her mother’s nail polish and makeup. Amanda smoked openly in front of her. Her 8-year-old cousin Amy was coming over, and she was very excited. All day long, Amanda and her cousin played like children. Every forty-five minutes or so, Amanda would take a break to have a cigarette. Her mother could say nothing; Amanda was the boss.Just before I left, I looked for Amanda to say good-bye. I found her and Amy in the backyard. They were in a children’s inflatable pool. Amanda was taking her regular cigarette break.”

(Source: chelseawoosh)

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Family

I love my family. I’m blessed by my family. No amount of cliches that I could ever say would get close to how lucky I am to have the family I do surrounding me.

This weekend I went & saw “Friends with Benefits” and in it, there’s a sad undertone that very similarly mirrored the way my mom has become in the last few months. Her memory from the last … however long, it seems about now 10 years, has been blurred. Not erased, but blurred. She forgets things until you remind her, and then she only vaguely remembers what you’ve said or the event in which you’re talking about. She forgot most of what has occured in the last 2 years, but luckily, once prompted to remember, she generally holds onto it.

I never actually let it get to me that a big part of her was gone, but after watching that fucking movie, it’s clung to me like bad B.O. ever since. I can’t seem to shake it. If she’s like this so early, what’s going to happen as she ages more? Will she get full blown alzheimer’s? Is she going to remember who I am?

Since I was … I believe around 10 years old, my parents have been my main concern. At 10, mom’s seizures started. At 12, my dad had a heart attack. at 15, Mom had heart palpitations and had to have her heart re-started. at 16, Dad had intestinal problems that landed him in the hopsital for a week. at 18, Mom went into the hospital for a stroke, came out diagnosed with 4 unruptured brain aneurysms. At 19, she underwent 2 brain surgeries to correct said aneurysms…. and at 20, she had a 30minute seizure that stole her memory from her.

Loyalty comes at a cost, and my family sure has hiked up my blood pressure with the amount of SHIT that they go through. I love my mom, I want my mom to be okay. It’s a lot tougher than I allowed myself to realize, and after brushing off the severity of the situation with jokes for so long, let me tell you, I wish my reality check would have bounced.